Now here I am laying in bed, just deeping how there’s this odd barrier towards Asian people (specifically aimed at the older generation) and love marriages. I mean if you’re not Asian and are surprised, yeah imagine what we have to go through 🙂
This isn’t what I would usually talk about but it’s really important to address this issue. Firstly, your parents may want you to do an arranged marriage where they will find a spouse for you & you two get to know each other from there – which is perfectly fine. Love marriage is pretty obvious; you find yourself a spouse and ask your parents for permission (or not lol).
Many Asian parents interpet ‘love’ marriages as too ‘westernised’ and just simply may not understand it. This may be because they were brought up in families that had certain ideologies which may include; not embarrassing or dishonouring their family’s reputation. I personally disagree with some of it because we shouldn’t really care about what people think, but we still do in this day and age!
However, I can’t just be biased towards younger people like you and I. Looking at it from the older generation’s perspective; because they have grown up in stricter households where for example you weren’t allowed to talk to any boys until you get married – they would obviously believe the same because it was how they grew up. But this shouldn’t mean they treat us how they got treated, because times are surely changing.
Nonetheless, It has become a norm for many South Asians now..
I just wanted to talk about how the norms were/are in Asian societies because it’s just interesting to write about LOL.
To state the obvious, yes it has become a norm for many South Asians to accept love marriages. This is clearly due to globalisation, secularisation and a variety of cultures mixing with each other – which is so cool in my opinion!
At the very start, arranged marriages was the norm for nearly all Asian societies because it was much more conservative and regular – and if you didn’t have an arranged marriage you’d often get a lot of gossip about it (still happens today unfortunately).
As the times changed, so did the norms – now romantic relationships seem to make a transition in South Asian societies which is honestly so good to see. I have nothing against arranged marriage, I would just want to find that person myself instead of relying on my parents for it.
On the contrary, many Asians also find themselves not needing a spouse, not having that commitment simply because they don’t feel as if it’s important in their life. They may even feel like they need to focus on their career and their mindset before they find those personality checks in someone else (which is also very important – we can’t expect someone to be perfect whilst having flaws ourselves lol).
The Problem Of 'Castes'
Honestly, I don’t even want to get started on this because I’ll write a thousand words essay on how messed up having this mentality is. So, for those of you that don’t know what a caste is; it’s when you’re put into this category because of your family’s background/where they belong in society back home. In Pakistan there are 40 castes all together and examples may include rajas, jatt, choudary and so on. Now you’re probably thinking why is she talking about castes when her blog is about marriages!
Well, many Asian families tend to think they’re ‘better’ than other people from lower castes even if they’re the most brilliant, talented people you’ve met. But just because of some idiotic little caste system they think they cannot allow their son/daughter to marry into that specific family of a ‘low’ caste. It is so disgusting to see that people still think this way!! Like come on we aren’t living in the 50s gosh.
To put my case forward, some Asian parents can be so cruel in the way that they’d rather want someone who would not be loyal to their daughter, not treat them right BUT as long as they’re in the same caste it’s fine – are you seeing where I’m trying to go with this because I’m losing my mind loool.
How can Asian Parents be Supportive of Your Decisions?
Now hello, aunties & uncles if you’re reading this, take a moment and just think: would you rather your daughter/son be happy with themselves or forced/manipulated into marriages that they aren’t ready for? Because I surely know that guilt will remain with you for the rest of your life and we don’t want that.
If your son/daughter has already found a spouse, your instant thought may be ‘what will people think’ – which needs to stop now. I mean I know for sure that it’ll stop with this generation because we’re very stubborn and we know it lol. But instead of being unhappy and cruel, give that individual a chance and set up a couple of dinners to get to know the individual, just how you would in an arranged marriage.
Let’s end this topic on a more positive manner, I know that there are MANYYY cool Asian parents out there (including mine – they’re the best lmao) and we appreciate you guys – so thank you for being more understanding regarding these topics.
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I hope you all enjoyed reading this blog post, it was definitely something different from what I usually post – let me know if I should just stop or carry on ranting on topics like these 😉
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